I am a bit confused by some things you wrote in one of your columns. If I invite someone to church with me, an inactive Catholic or a non-Catholic, how do I tactfully tell them they should not receive communion, or should I just keep my mouth shut? Also, if there are three times in the Mass to be sorry for sin, why bother with the sacrament of confession?

Thank you,

Sue E. Generis

I imagine that you were reading my article of June1, 2008, titled “Who Can Receive Communion?”  In it, I refer to St. Paul’s First Letter to the Corinthians, chapter 11, verse 27-30. St Paul points out that under certain circumstances, the reception of Holy Communion can be a curse, not a blessing. We have become so gosh darned polite in our society that we hesitate to tell anyone an unpleasant truth; better the polite lie, better to spare people’s feelings.  The great bulk of American Catholics go about minding their own business, while a few bullies tear down the faith. These bullies usually do so by running for public office, or teaching in Catholic universities and the like.

Truth is kindness when spoken with sincerity, love and respect. You can say some very hard things if you learn to say them with a smile. It is not the truth that is offensive; it is the anger and arrogance in the voice of the one who claims to tell the truth. Back in the ancient days of the Pentecostal Movement, I often had people come up to me and say something like the following: “Brother, I don’t know your name, but the Lord told me to tell you......" (fill in the blank.)  How can you call me brother, and yet not know my name?  We are anxious to correct the faults of others, provided we don’t really value their opinion. If a hard truth is told with real love and fraternal concern, it is often accepted. It is righteous indignation that is wrong, not the telling of truth. St. Peter tells us  “Always be ready to give an explanation to anyone who asks you for a reason for your hope, but do it with gentleness and reverence.” (1Peter 15-16)  Good advice.

Truth is kindness. If I met you walking in the woods, and there was I giant grizzly bear standing behind you, would it be kindness if I failed to mention your imminent doom because I didn’t want to upset or offend you?  If St. Paul wasn’t just joking when he said that the Eucharist could be dangerous to those who received unworthily, I had better let people know that huge responsibilities that come along with Holy Communion. To receive Holy Communion means that I am pledging myself to live the Catholic life which involves fasting, almsgiving, forgiveness, chastity and paying attention to that German fellow who lives in the Vatican. If a person wants all that, they won’t mind taking a course of instruction in the Catholic faith. If they don’t want all that, they have no business receiving Communion, except that they want it.

I am a baby boomer. I would like to apologize for my generation We trashed the culture. I’m sorry. Our parents coming out of the depression and the Second World War suffered from Scarlet O’ Hara Syndrome. (Remember in the movie, “Gone With the Wind” when Scarlet is clawing for roots in the dirt and she shakes her fist at heaven, saying ‘as God is my witness I will never be hungry again!” ) Well, the baby boomer parents wanted their 2.3 children to have the very best, 2.3 children thanks to the little golden pill, (La Pilule d’Or)  as the Singing Nun called it. (I’m not making this up. Check it out on the web.) So we have a bunch of spoiled narcissists running the western word who think they are owed and by means of the public and some Catholic schools are raising their children, and yours, the same way. Have you ever corrected someone else’s child who is, for example, writing on your walls with indelible marker or torturing your dog? As often as not, Your guests will pick up their precious little ax murderer-in-training and leave in a huff. How dare we stunt their creativity by critiquing what in the eyes of their parent is nothing less than performance art?  We risk the wrath of both their mommies and all three of their daddies! 

The word “no” is a kindness also. I remember the story of a father from my generation who really believed that a child should never be denied. It would hurt their creativity. A terrible storm passed through the neighborhood and power lines were down everywhere. His little four year old daughter saw the pretty sparklers out in the front yard and ran out to grab them. Her father ran after her shouting “NO!!!” The little girl had never heard the word “no” and was electrocuted instantly.  “No” is not an unkind word. I realize that St. Paul says that “...our God is yes and... Amen.” ( 2Cor 1:20) God may be yes.. and Amen, but I am not God and I need a lot of “No.” That’s the point. In God even “no” when heard with love and trust  becomes a wonderful “yes.”

So how do you tell your non-Catholic friend not to go up for Communion? Just say, “Please wait here.  Only Catholics are required to go to Communion I’ll explain later.” I wouldn’t use the phrase “allowed to go to Communion.” I would say “required to go to Communion.”  We aren’t simply allowed, we are required to receive Communion at least once a year during the Easter season, or we lose our status as Catholics in good standing. Let your friend know that to receive Communion is to swear an oath and that they are welcome to visit us without swearing the oath. Then refer them to the appropriate “Rev. Know-it-all” columns. That should worry them.

As for non-practicing Catholics I would not suggest that you wrestle them to the ground in the Communion line. For all you know, they went to Confession before Mass and have come home. After Mass I would congratulate them on having made a good Confession and Communion and say how glad you are that they are no longer hanging around in cheap gin joints and that they have sent their concubine (or concuboy)  back home to her/his mother. Or something to that effect. (Just a note. The word “concubine,” is a Latin word that means “bed partner.” There were male and female concubines, but in modern parlance “concubine” always implies female gender. Thus, I have invented the word “concuboy” to denote a male bed partner to whom one is not married. After all, what do you call your cousin’s mother-in-law’s third common-law husband?)

When they look at you strangely and say they just went to communion so Grandma wouldn’t worry, tell them once what the rules are. ONLY ONCE!  Remember a prophet is without honor in his (or her) own home. (John 4:44) Then refer them to my columns and start praying for them. Don’t be too hard on them. In Catholic religious education during the past forty years, they probably only learned how to make collages of baby seals and how to save the whales while singing “Jesus loves me; this I know.”

As for the confession of sin in the Mass; there are a whole lot more than three times we ask for forgiveness especially if we use the First, or Roman, Canon. There we pray to be saved from final damnation.  I refer you to First John, 5:16. There we are told to pray for a brother who commits sin that is “not unto death,” or mortal. (Mortal is Latin for “unto death” or “fatal.”) John goes on to say that we cannot pray for one to be forgiven whose sin is mortal.  That kind of sin needs the Sacrament of Penance. The prayer of the whole assembly at Mass forgives venial sin, but if one is conscience of serious, that is mortal sin Sacramental Confession is required before Communion. (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1335)

As for the precious, dear, sweet, little children who come up and scream, because they didn’t get the cookie, explain to them that it isn’t a cookie. It is Jesus, and it is like medicine. They shouldn’t take it until they are ready.  I have seen some parents break off a piece of the Communion Host and give it to their children. Where are thumbscrews and the rack when you really need them? Not for the children of course, but for their air-headed parents, all five of them.

Sincerely,

Rev. Know-It-All